I thought I spoke English up until today when someone uttered the following:

Hear all, see all, say nowt,
Eat all, drink all, pay nowt,
An if tha ivver deea owt fo nowt
mek sure tha does it fo thissen.

I’m told it means something of the effect of “If you’re going to wash your dog, make sure to use a mild oatmeal based shampoo to reduce any kind of skin irratation, and to soothe any flea bites.”