I’ve got a thing about haircuts, which regular readers will recognize as nothing new. I don’t know what it is, but I’ll put off getting a haircut for way too long, and then when I’m there, I have nothing to think about except how awkward getting a haircut is. Here is some person harvesting dead matter off of my head, and if I don’t hold really still, this person will harvest too much, or too little and just totally mess up my day. And given the chance, I’ll sit completely silent the entire time, and only speak if spoken to. I just want it to be over with, but today my attitude has changed. I’ll go to the same place from now on.

There’s no other way to put this – I think the lady who cut my hair today drinks shampoo and butters her toast with pomade. I have never heard such crazy talk out of a haircutter (the reason I’ll be going back).

Some choice selections, in no particular order:

After a comb through, with scissors and comb pointed at my mop for emphasis, “Your hair is like a grove of redwoods, except I won’t have to feel guilty for clear cutting!”

I joked about how maybe my hair grew fast because of something in the water. After silence of about a minute or two, “I know why your hair grows so fast – do you like cheddar?”

“Has your hair always grown fast?”, she asked. I said “Yep”, and then she offered “My guess is that your hair grows 3/10ths of an inch per day” without hesitation. I remembered the number, and did some math when I got home, and she’s almost exactly right. She would be more right had I told her the correct date of my last haircut, which I had to lookup. The last time I had my haircut, it snowed and I had said I got it around Thanksgiving. She’s a genius. And to compare, 3/10ths of an inch is just under a millimeter.

After telling me how she used to cut her kids’ hair when they were younger at home, “I can’t cut hair at home anymore, the dog tries to eat the cut hair and barks at the clippers.”

“I used to groom horses before cutting hair.” She said this as she was brushing off my neck, finishing the haircut. And it shows in my hair. Let’s just say it’s not the best haircut, but I’ll probably go back.